Some people are born possessive types. It is considered part of their personality. They’ve grown up with emotion or touch or stability refused or neglected by one parent or both and they’ve dealt with rejection by clinging to all that comes their way. They love intensely. They have almost a predatory-like way about them. You may even hear of instances where their relationships have gotten a little heated emotionally or physically. It can be a red flag of what to expect as you wind down the affair path with this particular type of partner. You can come to expect drama and a general unwillingness to let you end things when you’ve moved beyond the relationship at hand.
We are trained as children to want what we can’t have; to admire but not touch. “This is the formal room, go to the den and play with your friends.” Over time, you start wanting what you can’t have. You want that extra piece of candy or that expensive toy everyone else seems to get.
Everyone else has it, so why can’t I?
We don’t usually intend to make our lovers mere objects. It just slips in there. After years of being told no and someone says yes? Well, why would you let that person go? In your more feverish moments, you may even wonder if you’ll be able to let them go. What if you never want to let them go? How do you convince them it’s crucial you remain together somehow?
Sounds a little nefarious? Perhaps I’m jumping ahead here.
These types may want to permanently bind themselves to you: by way of pregnancy, financial agreements, property exchange, or by emotional threats. It isn’t a gender issue at all: both men and women engage in these possessive behaviors. In regards to the pregnancy “trap”, it has been labeled reproductive coercion by several international health organizations. Both sexes can and do engage in tampering of birth control or using other means to procure a DNA bond between themselves and their partner.
You may find yourself being told you can date or marry other people but you’ll always be “theirs”, that nothing will keep you two apart. They want to own you: mind, body and soul. They want no one to be able to say you can’t see each other and that’s why they want a permanent bond. The possessive affair partner may drop psychological abuse into discussions, trying to bend you to their frame of mind. You may find yourself agreeing with them in things you’d normally admonish, because they cherish you so.
Sometimes, the means isn’t as sinister as this. Sometimes the affair partner wishes to bond fluidly with you and rub the evidence in the metaphorical face of the unwitting ‘betrayed’ spouse. They may want to fornicate in certain areas to mark territory, or have sex with you before or after you’ve seen your spouse. They may take special delight in leaving light marks on your body, to claim you physically.
The possessive affair partner may drop psychological abuse into discussions, trying to bend you to their frame of mind.
The possessive affair partner has been known to become obsessive. You may find they suddenly have interests in common with you that they never expressed previously. You may bump into them in public where previously they never spoke of interests in such-and-such activity. If you’re part of a church or group, you may come to find your possessive affair partner joins a similar group or drives past when you’re expected to be at said function. In the darkest of this behavior, you may even have several close calls with your possessive affair partner frequenting past your residence or workplace, and field unknown calls from private numbers hoping to catch you off-guard.
Okay, I’ll stop scaring you right there. We all engage in some of these behaviors to some extent. Insecurity drives most of it, coupled with the breath-of-fresh-air experience of being cared for by a relative stranger. Most people will pull back from the edge before they make nuisances of themselves. The few that don’t are the ones to watch out for.
In rare circumstances, two possessive types will find one another. They will both desire a permanent bond, they will both do “obsessive checks”, and they will both recognize the depths they are getting into. It will scare them, initially. They will test one another, making sure they won’t be scared off by the strong nature of the other’s side. Eventually, they realize neither partner is afraid. Nothing can be said to make the other person neglect them, reject them, want to run from them. This is new. Their possession is happy to be theirs. Their possession is content to be a constant companion.
Ideally, you want a little possessiveness in your AP. You want them to want you. Dealing with an extremely possessive partner can be a hassle unless you need that type of relationship, too. Research well and be aware of who and what you are getting in to.