What I Have Learned From My Multiple Affairs

My multiple affairsThey say experience is the best teacher and I can honestly say this was very evident when I ventured into the affair world. People tend to question people’s motives when they have had multiple affairs. The truth is that its hard the find the right person to have an affair with and affairs end for one reason or another. I never set out to have this many affairs but I had a huge learning curve of not knowing myself in this arena and not knowing what it was I was searching for. I’m not proud of how many men are on the list but I’m proud that I had the ability to leave situations that did not work for me and learn from them.

When you first embark on this road infidelity,  finding an affair partner can be intimidating. If you have been involved in a long term marriage that has gone stale to the point where you are looking outside of the marriage,, you are out of practice. You haven’t flirted, kissed or maybe even had a long conversation with a member of the opposite sex in years or decades. You question your looks, attractiveness to the opposite sex and wonder what someone might say if they saw you naked. Oh My!   The most confident of people can feel completely inadequate when starting down this path.

A little about me first to give you some perspective. I’m a busy career woman in my 40’s, recently out of a 25 year monogamous relationship. I’m self confident, take charge and considered attractive by most, I’m very direct and tend to be more analytical than emotional.

My 1st Affair – Mr. Lost Love happened organically as they say. I reconnected with a long lost love and the sparks flew. Emails were exchanged everyday and reminiscing transitioned into fantasies and what if’s. I was swept away on the sheer exhilaration of feelings I thought long dead. To feel desired, sexy and giddy like a teenager was an incredible rush. The connection was undeniable, I wanted to believe that we were meant to be together again. We reunited and that was the memory of a lifetime. Not only was it a dream come true but to be touched again with passion and to feel and act with pure desire was a feeling I had not felt in decades. It was truly overwhelming and my emotions wanted to believe…. we were in love. Time has a way of showing us what it true and untrue. We were in the affair fog and as it lifted a year later, we realized that our infatuation had morphed into a beautiful friendship.

Lesson: Emotions when in an affair can overwhelm you initially but time will show you the truth

My 2nd Affair – Mr. Funny, I met online. We had a wonderful connection and he made me laugh. He filled my days with humor and sexual excitement. He was a great writer and story teller and fantasy maker but….. He lived far away. Our connection started to fade after about 4 months. It was Just too difficult to keep up the intensity and not get the real life payout.

Lesson: Logistics are an obstacle not to be taken lightly.

My 3rd Affair – Mr. Hot and Cold,  I  found on the Internet. Again, I felt we had an incredible connection with so many similarities and we were off the charts passionate about each other and then…… After we had sex the first time, he withdrew and became distant. Communication between us dwindled and I was crushed. Here I was this take control woman reduced to an emotional wreck waiting for a text. Then of course, he would text and the cycle began again. He would say the right things that would get me to give him another chance and because I wanted to believe him  we would get back together. This went on over the course of 8 months, this cycle of hot and cold. Eventually I realized that I was the one allowing it to happen and I could not change him.

Lesson: Don’t ever listen to a person’s words and ignore their actions. There is no excuse that can justify treating me badly.

My 4th Affair – Mr. No Chemistry, I found on the Internet also. This was a case where I wanted so much to like him because he was a good guy, he was sweet and I thought we matched in so may ways. I wanted him to be the one, but I did not desire him sexually.  We attempted to have sex 3 times and it was not wildly passionate and it felt almost mechanical. I ended it after two months by simply saying that I didn’t think we clicked in the bedroom.

Lesson: You can’t force physical attraction, if you don’t feel it…. don’t go there.

My 5th Affair- Mr. Player, I found on the Internet. This is the one I regret but I learned a valuable lesson. I guess after all these failed attempts at finding a suitable partner, I was feeling desperate. So in walks… the smooth, handsome player. He says all the right things, talks in the future tense and he made me feel like we were the perfect couple. We had off the chart chemistry and he had a way of making me think that I was everything he wanted in an affair partner.  Imagine my surprise whenI found him shopping for additional affair partners. I ended it immediately after only 3 months.

Lesson: Don’t believe everything you hear, if he’s too good to be true… he’s not true.


My 6th Affair – Mr. Real, I found him on the Internet when I wasn’t really looking as I was completely burned out by the whole process. We started off by exchanging emails and he is witty, smart and things are going well but as a result of my past experiences I’m guarded and I have a long list of expectations and requirements. We eventually decided to  meet and it’s great and although normally I’d be jumping crazy excited  I feel like I’m waiting for it all to blow up. I let him know that we are going to have to take things slow and he agrees. For weeks, we meet and talk, kiss and its all almost too comfortable. When we finally have sex  its wonderful and although it is the best I have had so far,  I’m still waiting for it to blow up. It’s been 3 months now and he is consistent in communication and he is caring and affectionate. I’m not preoccupied to the point of distraction with him and I don’t feel the need to question his motives or affection for me. It is the easiest affair by far and he has given me everything I desire. I hope that this relationship will last but know that as far affairs go …All good things must come to an end.The Lesson in this affair has yet to unfold.
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5 Responses to What I Have Learned From My Multiple Affairs

  1. Nottelling January 26, 2013 at 7:35 pm #

    Enjoyed !

  2. Clare January 31, 2013 at 5:50 pm #

    It’s worth kissing the frogs to find the prince. After a similar experience I finally met a wonderful man… That was five years ago and I can honestly say its saved my sanity and my marriage
    Good luck hope you too find happiness

  3. David January 31, 2013 at 8:24 pm #

    Changed: “To feel desired, sexy and giddy like a teenager was an incredible rush. The connection was undeniable,”

    When a person chooses to marry and stay faithful to one person, they choose mature love, real love, not a fantasy lay.

    I am just curious, do you get a special thrill out of dating married men, instead of single men.

    One cheating woman who dated only married men said the “idea of a married man wanting her, instead of his wife, made her feel sexy.’

    I dunno’ that sounds sad to me, and desperate and insecure and well anything but a confident career woman?

    So is is it some kind of fetish or conquest type of thing?

    Does being a cheater make you feel cool and edgy and more superior than faithful folk?

    Do you ever worry about getting hep C, or warts, or HIV or Herpes?

    You do know a some viri can slip through a condom, right?

  4. Guggums Jablonski February 1, 2013 at 2:15 am #

    Clare January 31, 2013 at 5:50 pm #

    It’s worth kissing the frogs to find the prince. After a similar experience I finally met a wonderful man… That was five years ago and I can honestly say its saved my sanity and my marriage
    Good luck hope you too find happiness

    –Who’s the frog now?

  5. Clare February 2, 2013 at 7:33 pm #

    No more frogs…. Found the prince

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