1) Age, sex, marital status
I am a 29 female and I am married
He is 39 and has a live in girlfriend (he has never been married)
2) When did you first begin your affair? How did you meet your affair partner?
We were part of a book club where I was the only girl and it was all older men. Most of them treated me like a sister and I loved it because I was so comfortable with the group and I felt like an intellectual equal despite the age difference. My other man was the only one who flirted a little and it was just part of his nature, so I tried to ignore it. Then I started to realize that I was intensely attracted to him, which I never thought would happen because I was not ‘one of those women’. One night we went back to his place after book club and I couldn’t stand it anymore. I snuggled up to him on the couch and stared rubbing his hands and then the back of his head…then his leg. When I knew he was long gone I leaned over and told him that I wanted him. He was shocked that I was interested in him (I think he underestimates his draw). I think that the power that women have over men is part of the reason why this is such a high for me.
3) What were the circumstances that led you to having an affair?
I have a devoted husband, a little too devoted. I have always loved my space and a little mystery in our relationship, husband wanted to get himself surgically attached to my side. That isn’t really the whole story…I really think that I married him because he was the ‘right thing to do’ (hahaha). I want to get to a place where we can live happily ever after, but I am not sure how to get there.
4) Would you say that you are in an emotional affair or are you in it purely for the sex?
I don’t think that I am capable of love, but I have a very close friendship with my other man. The sex is defiantly the draw for the affair…he shows me what I am missing at home. I would be friends with my other man, even if we weren’t sleeping together.
5) What impact has having an affair had on your marriage? Has it improved it? Made it worse?
Marriage is going through so much right now that it is hard to tell if it has gotten better or worse because of the affair. I do feel like I am a better friend to my husband when I can get away for a little while.
6) How often do you get so see your affair partner? Where do you typically meet?
We meet once a week at book club and sometimes we run into each other in other social situations.
7) Have you ever been caught or had a close call?
Not with my other man, but my husband did see that I was looking at Craigslist and had a heart attack. I told him that it made me laugh and was a short lived entertainment, nothing more. He accepted my explanation, which wasn’t a lie, and it made sense to him because I was also looking at ‘women interested in women’ and he thinks that there is no way that that could happen…
8) What precautions do you take to ensure you maintain secrecy?
We don’t talk outside of our book club meetings and we start driving home before we detour to meet up. He owns many properties so we switch it up as to where we are going.
9) Do you ever feel guilty? If so, how do you manage those feelings?
I have four young children and I hate to think that this will affect them in any way. I know that I am cold about my relationship right now, so this may sound callous, but I figure my husband is a big boy and if he finds out, so be it. We will either get a divorce or we will work though it. At this point I feel like I could go either way.
10) What’s the best and worst part about being in an affair?
Best part- a little mystery in my affair. I love the adrenaline rush. On a more carnal note, the sex is also out of this world. Older men know how to treat women…or at least mine does.
I miss my other man. I hate the fact that he has someone to go home to that he actually still has feelings for. I also know that it will have to end and I fear the consequences that are now out of my control. I hate to think of the friendships that would be devastated if this ended badly.
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