1) Age, sex, marital status
Me – 32, Female, 1st Marriage, 2 minor kids
OM – 50, Male, 2nd Marriage, no kids
H – 48, Male, 2nd Marriage, 2 adult and 2 minor kids
OMW – 63, Female, 3rd Marriage, 2 adult kids
( Here is a full list of affair acronyms )
2) When did you first begin your affair? How did you meet your affair partner?
Sparks went flying during a 4th of July party over 10 years ago. We were swimming, our spouses didn’t like to swim (just one of many things we have in common), and teasing and touching began. The next week I came over to his place for his birthday (no one else was home) and he kissed me and as the saying goes, “the rest is history”.
3) What were the circumstances that led you to having an affair?
My husband told me 3 months into our marriage that we weren’t having sex because he didn’t desire me. It all went downhill from there and I didn’t divorce him because of religious reasons and I thought that we could have a chance if I just lost the extra weight. When I met the OM he had no issues with my weight and we had lots in common, including the desire for wanting children.
4) Would you say that you are in an emotional affair or are you in it purely for the sex?
At first, I just wanted sex. I thought that it would make me feel beautiful again and would satisfy his needs too, however, I fell hard and fast in love with him and still am to this day. Anytime I think about him not being in my life, I breakdown and start crying because he means that much to me. I have to say though that the sex is amazing too and he’s perfect for me.
5) What impact has having an affair had on your marriage? Has it improved it? Made it worse?
My husband noticed me getting distant very quickly but he didn’t seem to care because, “no one would want me anyways”. Neither my OM nor I had EVER thought that we would be in this situation because we share the same religion and we didn’t enter the marriages lightly. Over the years, we’ve come to realize that sometimes you have to live out the deck of cards that life dealt you but enjoy the moments in time when we can be together and happy.
6) How often do you get so see your affair partner? Where do you typically meet?
We used to try for once a week but then work got in the way and now we’re lucky if we see each other once a month. We typically meet up for lunch, I go down on him and we eat and talk afterwards. We keep saying that we need to meet up soon for more but now that his wife is retired there are less opportunities of his place being available. I can’t remember the last time we actually had sex but I do know that I am looking forward to us being together again – he’s amazing!!
7) Have you ever been caught or had a close call?
To this day, neither of our spouses realizes that we’re in an affair but both have suspected or accused us of being with each other with no proof. To me, if my husband were to find out, yes it would hurt him but I would finally be free to be with the man that I truly love, my OM.
8) What precautions do you take to ensure you maintain secrecy?
We only talk to each other M-F during working hours. We have separate e-mail accounts so that we can “communicate” when we’re out of town or it’s the weekend. We always go to the same place to eat lunch and never take our spouses there – it’s our place. If I’m at his place, and we’ve been intimate, he always washes everything afterwards and hides the condoms. Any love letters or cards or gifts are kept at work in a safe place.
9) Do you ever feel guilty? If so, how do you manage those feelings?
Every once in a while, I get a guilty twinge when I see my husband being a good father to our kids and realize that it would really hurt him if we were not together. However, on the most part, I am realistic enough to know that life is too short to not be happy and that’s what I’m doing with my OM. Therefore, any guilty feelings are washed away when I realize that I can be happy with both men and that I am a good person, despite having an affair.
10) What’s the best and worst part about being in an affair?
The worst part about being in my affair was when I got pregnant the first time and had to tell my OM that I was actually intimate with my husband. We knew that the baby wasn’t ours but I did the next best thing I could and made him my daughter’s God Father. The really bad part was when I got pregnant the second time and wasn’t 100% sure if the baby belonged to my husband or OM. I wanted my son to be the OM’s child so much but once he was born there’s no doubt that he is my husbands. Another bad part, for me at least, is knowing that if my OM has an opportunity to be with his wife sexually, that he’s going take advantage of the situation and be with her. I want us to be exclusive with each other but our spouses still have rights and I struggle with jealousy.
Of course, the best part is knowing that there is a person in this world who really desires me (and I him) and makes me happy. I still want the opportunity to give him children, I’m still young enough, and that hope brings a smile to my eyes. Having known my OM, going through the trials and tribulations, and discovering the commonalities we have together, will be in my heart forever.
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