1) Age, sex, marital status
Early 40s female, married 11 years
2) When did you first begin your affair? How did you meet your affair partner?
Early fall 2010, we met at a function our kids were involved in. We talked, then took the kids for lunch after their function and the kids asked for each others phone numbers. The kids never stayed in touch, but we did.
3) What were the circumstances that led you to having an affair?
For me it was an emotional detachment from my husband. He tends to get very focused on things and at the time he wasn’t focused on me. Guess I felt lonely and abandoned.
4) Would you say that you are in an emotional affair or are you in it purely for the sex? I would say it is emotional for me and it is physical for him at this point. Not to say I don’t enjoy the physical part of it, but it is difficult at times for me to separate the 2.
5) What impact has having an affair had on your marriage? Has it improved it? Made it worse?
At first my hb got the pleasure of being the recipient of my increased sex drive due to the communication with OM, but now I can’t stop thinking about OM while I’m with hb, so the sex has suffered. I also tend to tune out a fair bit when I’m thinking of my OM and hb has noticed that I’m not really listening to him drone on all the time. Since my focus is not always on my husband now, he is starting to feel somewhat abandoned.
6) How often do you get so see your affair partner? Where do you typically meet?
About one a week or every 2 weeks depending on schedules. We usually meet in a public place (coffee shop) and then go to a more private area
7) Have you ever been caught or had a close call?
Closest call would be when I hadn’t deleted my text messages for the day and hb wanted to experiment with the text feature on my phone (it was new and he was trying stuff). I somehow was able to distract him long enough to delete the messages. Now he is in my phone book as one of my girlfriends that texts me 50+ times a day, my hb isn’t interested in seeing what she has to say.
8) What precautions do you take to ensure you maintain secrecy?
When we get together we ensure our spouses are busy somewhere, delete all text messages and emails. We rarely talk on the phone, it is too easy to trace a phone call. The only person that knows of our affair is my best friend, and she only knows because she confided in me about hers.
9) Do you ever feel guilty? If so, how do you manage those feelings?
At first I felt no guilt. I think he did though. Now, I feel a bit of a twinge here and there, depending on how things in my marriage are at any given time. It is amazing how easy it is to rationalize things.
10) What’s the best and worst part about being in an affair?
I would like much more time with my guy and better communication. The confusion I feel if he doesn’t contact me the day after we have been together is gut wrenching. But there is a lot of excitement and adrenaline when I know we have meeting coming up, I get giddy with excitement, its like being a teenager again. I feel young and revived.
Any other questions you think would be interesting?
11 years ago I took my marriage vows very seriously, but as time went on I realized that life takes some hard turns. With each turn your perception on the people around you and the opinions you have may change. Sometimes you learn that you aren’t really the person you thought you were or the person you married isn’t the person you though they were. You do your best to make things work, whether for the kids, public image, financial reasons or many other things. Bbut because there is a void inside you, you seek to find something to fill it. Often it is another warm body. It can either be very fulfilling or the cause of more turmoil and confusion in your life…or maybe a bit of both.
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