My Husband Is Suspicious
1) Age, sex, marital status
35 female married
2) When did you first begin your affair? How did you meet your affair partner?
We met on Ashley Madison. He has a high profile job and sent me a message that I found rather odd. He wouldn’t give any details about himself just stated what he was looking for and that after I had a chance to sift through all the riff raff on the site I could contact him if I wanted. For some reason his message stood out from the others and I messaged him back. After he grilled me on what I do, what my husband does, what industry we both work in, and satisfying him that we are not somehow connected already, we decided to meet for coffee almost right away (I don’t usually meet with someone unless I’ve talked to them online lots first so this was a first). Things went well, we hit it off, exchanged numbers and planned to meet again. Our next meeting I stood him up. My husband had found out about another guy I had been texting and we had a huge fight and he told me he was done. We ended up working it out, but I stopped contact with my now AP and the other guy. He texted me a couple of times just to make sure I was ok (I had told him about the issues with my husband), and then while on vacation with my family I made a decision to text him. We met up again once I was home. We’ve now been in an exclusive affair for 3 months.
3) What were the circumstances that led you to having an affair?
Things in my marriage were at an all time low and I was very unhappy. I had one foot out the door. I posted a profile with no intention of following through with any affair. A friend of mine had told me she had posted a profile on a different site and had several hundred responses. I needed the ego boost. I wanted to see what kind of response I would get.
4) Would you say that you are in an emotional affair or are you in it purely for the sex?
Both. I wouldn’t do it if it were purely sexual.
5) What impact has having an affair had on your marriage? Has it improved it? Made it worse?
I’m generally happier and less stressed out. I know there’s someone I can escape to. However, because my husband was initially aware that I had been texting someone, he’s become extremely suspicious of my behavior. He has no idea my AP exists, but still questions me on the other guy often and looks at my cell records.
6) How often do you get so see your affair partner? Where do you typically meet?
We aim for once a week for at least lunch or coffee, but he travels for work so it’s not always possible. Once or twice a month for “alone time”. We both work downtown so can meet up during the day. We never act like a couple if we’re out for lunch or coffee. It’s just nice to see his face
7) Have you ever been caught or had a close call?
Not with my AP, but as I said already, my husband found out about the first guy I was talking to. It almost triggered a divorce.
8) What precautions do you take to ensure you maintain secrecy?
I entered his number in my contacts under a girlfriend’s name so when he texts me it pops up like I’m getting a text from her. I never change my scheduled routine. I try to keep things really normal with my husband. I think I argue with him less now.
9) Do you ever feel guilty? If so, how do you manage those feelings?
I find it interesting that I don’t actually feel guilty about cheating on my husband at all, but I DO feel guilty when I think about HIS wife. I don’t want to disrupt her life at all.
10) What’s the best and worst part about being in an affair?
Best – having someone who is just for ME. We have no day to day details to take away from just enjoying each others company like you do with a spouse.
Worst – not being able to see or contact him whenever I want. Having to say goodbye all the time. Not being able to gush to my girlfriends about this guy that is Just. So. Great.
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