The Teachers Pet
It is hard to say when it first began but it was about two months ago. I have known him for over 6 months as he was my professor last semester.
3) What were the circumstances that led you to having an affair?
I knew the very first time I saw this man that I wanted him. I wanted him badly. It was incredibly difficult to sit through two of his classes and keep it professional. I did flirt although not blatantly. We talked outside of class, mostly because I’m an involved student (and not just with him) and also because I work at the institution as well and our offices were right across the courtyard from each other. The semester ended and I didn’t seem him for about two months. I thought I was over hm but alas, he came back from vacation, we ran into each other and all the feelings came flooding back, except they were tenfold. He was wearing jeans and a tshirt, so different from the trousers and long sleeved shirts I was used to seeing him in. He seemed genuinely happy to see me and we chatted for a while. The flirting, from both sides, took off then and it was crazy for a few weeks but nothing happened, neither of us actually went any further than flirting. I finally brought the issue up and asked what was going on, to which he replied that yes, we had flirted and perhaps shouldn’t have done so and that our relationship better stay as that of as professor and his student. I was crushed but at that point I was still going to have to take another of his classes the next semester so I understood and respected his decision.
We decided to remain friends but quickly found ourselves shifting back into flirting and this time it was very obvious. I no longer had to take his class so the possibility that we’d find ourselves in a student-professor situation again went away. This, I think, lead to an all out flirting, meeting up, dirty texting and emailing, etc. Although nothing physical has happened, for lack of opportunity, I do consider this to be an affair and I’m so ready to take it to the next level.
4) Would you say that you are in an emotional affair or are you in it purely for the sex?
At first I was in it for the sex, which hasn’t even happened yet, but the more I think about it the more I realize that it’s more than lust. Perhaps the fact that nothing has happened despite everything has intensified my sexual feelings towards him and trying to have sex with him has become a bit of a sport for me. At this point I don’t know if we’ll ever actually get there as the logistics of it are complicated but I can do nothing but think about it. I feel like a teenager all over again, infatuated, thinking about him all the time, etc. I see him and I get a huge grin on my face, whenever he texts or emails I get butterflies in my stomach and my face just lights up. It’s a bit scary, actually, because I really doubt he wants anything more than sex and I feel that, like I did time and time again as teenager, I’m setting myself up for heart break. That is a chance I’m willing to take as at this point a single roll in the proverbial hay with this man is worth that. Let’s hope that the anticipation isn’t better than the sex itself.
5) What impact has having an affair had on your marriage? Has it improved it? Made it worse?
My marriage has been nothing more than a comfortable situation, a good friendship and roommate situation for years, despite having been married only 5 and a half years. I am not in love with my husband and quite frankly, I don’t think I ever was. I rushed into my marriages and went into the church, literally, already doubting what I was doing. I have zero interest in sex with him and we’ve actually had sex about 4 times in the last 3 or so years. I had force myself every time and never orgasmed even though I had orgasms all the time when I was still sexually interested in him. We were going to divorce a few months back but didn’t. The need to be free has resurfaced again and it’s only a matter of time until we part. Not coincidentally, the reason I originally asked for a divorce was because of this other man, who without knowing or even trying, made me realize that I did not want to be in my marriage and that I needed to be out it. I stayed because I have a son and right now I cannot support the both of us if I move out, even with child support (I’m still a student). Next year will be a different story. I am not miserable in my marriage, he is a great guy and a great father but he’s just not the right person for me. He is also understandably frustrated at the lack of sex even though he prefers to bury his head in the sand and pretend everything’s peachy.
6) How often do you get so see your affair partner? Where do you typically meet?
A few times a week, almost every day before he moved across campus. Now that he is no longer in the same floor, or even the same building, seeing him requires more planning. He has a fairly important position so it raises less suspicion if I am the one to go see him at his office than the other way around. Some times we meet for coffee as well. We have yet to meet off campus as we haven’t found an opportunity that won’t raise suspicions with his wife. I wish I could see him every day but first, I don’t want to scare him off and second, it’s just too risky.
7) Have you ever been caught or had a close call?
No, never. I make sure to delete all my text messages from him.
8) What precautions do you take to ensure you maintain secrecy?
As I said, I delete my text messages, when in public we act professionally and discreetly. We don’t text on the weekends as he is always home with his wife and he has far more to lose (his job) than I do.
9) Do you ever feel guilty? If so, how do you manage those feelings?
I do not feel guilty in the slightest. For the first time in a long time I’m doing something for me and it feels good. It feels good to know that I am attractive, that someone actually wants me, especially someone as attractive as this guy. I am a somewhat serious recreational athlete and it takes work to look good so when someone recognizes this, it makes me feel really good. He’s impressed with my level of fitness and I’m happy to let him think I’m really good at what I do (I am not, I’m really a middle of the packer). I also take pride in the fact that I am able to maintain a balance between being feminine, being smart and being an athlete, things that people usually believe to be mutually exclusive. I think this isn’t lost on him either.
I know he has a wife but that doesn’t bother me in the slightest. It should, as I am a woman, but it doesn’t. If he doesn’t care, why should I? I know many women will hate me for that statement but I’m OK with that, judge away.
10) What’s the best and worst part about being in an affair?
The best part is the feeling, the exhilaration, the giddiness. Even if no sex is involved (yet), I’d much rather be around him than around my husband. He makes me feel like a real woman, something I hadn’t felt in a long time. Around him, I am “me” and just me. It’s a completely selfish act and it feels awesome. The worst part is that, unfortunately, I am falling for this guy….hard. I didn’t plan it this way nor did I want it to be this way but this is how it has worked out. The not having sex or even so much as a touch is killing me. Thinking about him and about having sex with him all the time is a little distracting too, I can’t concentrate at work or in class, all I want to do is walk over to his office. Like I said, it’s like I’m a teenager all over again and I’m not sure I like it.
If he is reading this, he will no doubt know it’s about us.
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