1) Age, sex, marital status
48, female, separated
2) When did you first begin your affair? How did you meet your affair partner?
Our affair began about 20 months ago, after I responded to an email he sent to me on Adult Friend Finder.
3) What were the circumstances that led you to having an affair?
I had been separated for about a year, from a marriage that had been sexless for 5 of it’s 6 years. I had just recently moved back to my hometown, and was too busy with getting settled
in, starting a new job, and helping my daughter adjust to our new life. I didn’t have time for traditional dating and romance, but thought I could squeeze a friends with benefits thing into my busy life. A
friend in similar circumstances recommended Adult Friend Finder to me, since it worked for him. I wasn’t looking for a married man because I’d had an affair about a year before and had gotten hurt when it
ended, but I was open to a married man because it was just going to be a friends with benefits thing and I wasn’t going to become emotionally involved.
4) Would you say that you are in an emotional affair or are you in it purely for the sex?
Despite the fact that we both agreed that it wasn’t going to be emotional, it has definitely evolved into that. We expected to care about each other, as friends, but neither of us expected
to fall in love as we have. It’s scary, sometimes, this falling in love with your lover business, but neither of us is willing to walk away now.
5) What impact has having an affair had on your marriage? Has it improved it? Made it worse?
My almost-ex and I were good friends before we were ever anything else, and we have been fortunate enough to retain our friendship. Our marriage was headed to divorce before I ever
met my married man, so I can’t say that my affair has had much effect at all, except maybe has helped me to accept it and not be so sad about it.
6) How often do you get so see your affair partner? Where do you typically meet?
We usually manage to see each other two or three times a week, on average. Sometimes we are fortunate enough to see each other more, and every once in awhile, we see each other a bit less. We meet at various places…sometimes we meet for lunch at a favorite restaurant, and sometimes, when he can swing a long-ish lunch break and I’m off work, he comes to my home and we have “lunch” there. We usually meet at a hotel at least once a week, and also meet at a local park to walk the trails. Every once in awhile, we go for a drive and park in some secluded area for a few minutes when we just can’t wait to kiss. We also go out to dinner, movies, museums, book stores every once in awhile.
7) Have you ever been caught or had a close call?
Once, when we were having lunch at a restaurant that was perhaps too close to his work, a few of his co-workers were also there having lunch. This would not have been too much of a concern, but just a couple of weeks before that, we were seen together in the lobby and elevator of a hotel during a convention by some of the same co-workers! There may have been some speculation, but so far in the months since, there haven’t been any detectable consequences. Sometimes, I do worry that he isn’t quite as discreet as he should be, but that is his issue and I trust him to know what is best for him and his situation.
8) What precautions do you take to ensure you maintain secrecy?
We have a unique situation because his wife knows about me, is fine with our affair but wants no details, and asks that we be discreet so as not to embarrass her or their adult children.
Thus, we are fortunate enough to be free to call, email, instant message, and text at any time, though I respect his family time and wait for him to contact me when I know he is with his family. We
don’t frequent restaurants or other businesses that are special favorites of his family and friends, but if we happen to see someone he knows while we are out, we don’t freak out. On
the very rare occasion that such a thing happens, we refrain from even the mildest public displays of affection. If we run into my family or friends, it is really no big deal, I just introduce him as “my friend,
*his first name*.
9) Do you ever feel guilty? If so, how do you manage those feelings?
I never feel guilty in regards to my own H or marriage, because that was over (except for the legalities) before I even met my MM. I do, sometimes, feel a little guilty because of his W and marriage, though. His W does know about our EMA, as I said before, but she doesn’t know that we have fallen in love and I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t approve of that. Most of the time, it’s pretty easy to set aside the guilt, though. I tell myself that, so long as she is still getting what she wants from their marriage, we aren’t hurting her by loving each other. I have to admit that it would be much more difficult for me if she was completely unaware of our EMA or had a problem with the amount of time we spend together.
10) What’s the best and worst part about being in an affair?
The best part is loving and being loved by someone who accepts me as I am and with whom I am well-matched on several levels, intellectually, spiritually, and yes…even sexually (or
maybe especially). The worst part is coming to grips that all we have now is likely to be all we will ever have together. Most days, I am truly okay with that, but some days, I wish
that I could allow myself to at least dream of more.
11) Where do you hope your relationship is headed/what are your expectations. If you weren’t married, could you see yourself being with your affair partner?
I just hope to be able to continue to love and be loved by this wonderful man. I expect that our relationship will just go on the way it is right now for many years, since we are both happy and neither of us is planning on leaving. If he and I weren’t married to other people, I could totally see myself being with him…but not necessarily married to him. I don’t need marriage at this point in my life, but I do love him and would be very happy to get to spend the rest of my life with him.
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