The Pro’s And Con’s Of Having An Affair

There are many reasons people have affairs and these extra relationships have their own positive and negative aspects that sometimes make us incredibly happy, make us feel lucky and excited to be involved in them, or nervous, disappointed, ashamed or just straight out annoyed. Remembering that affairs are not like your normal single-person-dating situations, you can begin to reflect on the pros and cons of having a clandestine relationship, for whatever reason you feel you had to start.

We collected actual encounters from several people with first hand experience in their own affairs. You may strike similarities with them from your own life. They are real people, just like you, who felt the need to take the chance at having an affair. We have comments from them about what they see as the positives and negatives of their own experiences in affairs.

The Pros Of Having an Affair
Of course, there have to be positive points to having an affair or nobody would be doing it. It is often to fill voids that their current relationship doesn’t fill; boredom; loneliness; naturally wondering eyes; and many other reasons. When someone feels something missing in their relationship, albeit emotionally or physically, they will often want to complete the circle, make themselves feel fully satisfied with another person. It can maintain being just self esteem boosting or sexual relief, or it can grow into a valued, caring relationship that continues for many years.

From SallyM, 38:   “My husband only thinks about himself when it comes to sex. We have done it probably twice in the last year, both times disappointing for me but fine for him. My lover cares about my sexual needs and we can even talk for hours about anything. He has become both a friend and a lover. It’s fantastic! We’re both happy staying in each other’s side lives too – no complications, no arguments and over ten years now.” From Josh, 30:   “Sex with my lover is amazing. She doesn’t consider sex as a chore or make me feel I’m an interruption in her life, like my wife. We have wild sex and we both know that’s all each other wants in the relationship! We’re both married but both lacking in something which we find in each other – it’s a great boost to our egos too.” From Tamika, 46:   “After years of having next to no companionship, it’s great to have met Gary. He’s sweet, loving and we both feel so connected to each other. I find it amazing that I could click so easily with someone. I still go home to my partner, but it’s nice to feel I have support from my lover when things get down at home.” From Cam, 27:   “My husband’s barely ever home. He is always on business trips or down at the bar with his mates. My lover makes me feel like I’m in a real relationship, without having to deal with the bills, fights or my bad moods. I couldn’t be in my marriage without him and he says the same about me. We’re basically each other’s backbone.”

The Cons Of Having an Affair
Affairs aren’t always fun, loving and risk-free. While there are great reasons to have an affair and many to stay in one, there are also things that make you feel you’re doing the wrong thing and you feel guilt, you have a fight with your lover, or worst case you get caught! One of the primary cons about having an extramarital affair is the risk of pain it would put on the people in the families involved. It may seem fun, exciting and you may have developed no guilt but things can go wrong, conversations may leak out, conflicts might start and the general eventual feeling that you know you’re not the main part in your lover’s life can take its toll.

From Brent, 52:   “My wife found out I’ve been having an affair with a woman at work through one of my work colleagues. I didn’t even know they knew about it! The woman I was with didn’t want anything more than casual sex on the side of her own marriage. I’ve now lost my wife, my three kids and am left with no home. My lover doesn’t want to risk being with a single person so I’m practically left alone… not to mention the financial strains from all of this. I wish I could turn back time.”

From Rebecca, 25:   “I fell pregnant while having an affair and didn’t know who the father was. With extreme racial differences, I HAD to find out who the father was. My husband left me when he found out the baby may not be his. My lover didn’t want it and it was too late to stop it. I’m now a single mother living with my parents.”

From Tess, 37:   “I’ve always found it hard having an affair. I am attached to a married man other than my husband and desperately want to share it with someone but have to keep it to myself. I can’t kiss him in public, can’t talk to him on the weekends on the phone from home nor call to ask if everything’s ok when I haven’t heard from him in over a week. I have to be very careful if I try to email him or talk online to ensure my partner doesn’t find out. Secrecy really eats away sometimes.”

From Martin, 45:   “I’ve always been safe when I had sex with other women other than my wife, but I went bareback one night with a girl I thought I could trust and had been with for several months. She gave me an STD. It was next to impossible to make an excuse to my wife on the spot why I didn’t want to have unprotected sex with her. It puts yet another strain on our marriage!”

Every relationship is different and every affair is unique. Everybody has different needs they want fulfilled when it comes to affairs and in the end you need to weigh up the pros and cons of your own situation to decide on whether it’s worth taking the step into having an extramarital relationship. You’re the only person who has the final say on how far the temptations go. Not every person in the same situation will have the same outcome so remember you need to be the one to judge what you want to do.

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About Administrator

As the administrator of the site, Doccool has has been witness to more than two thousand people involved in affairs that have shared their experiences on the site since 2008. When not studying the secret world of adultery, he enjoys spending time with friends and family at his home somewhere in central Canada. You can follow him on Twitter.

38 Responses to The Pro’s And Con’s Of Having An Affair

  1. Karen November 10, 2011 at 5:22 am #

    I’ve been involved in an affair for almost 15 yrs. I’ve told no one. I love my husband of 23 years but my lover, who is 14 yrs my senior, is the love of my life. Sexually, I’ve never met anyone like him…..we LOVE each other and connect on a level I will never have with anyone but him. After 13 yrs, his wife finally suspected something and we have greatly reduced the time we spend together and time we talk. I miss him terribly and can not imagine life without him though he is now 61 one, and I, 47. He is my best friend. I welcome any advice from those who have long term relationships — I know I will likely outlive him and the thought of life without him….. I don’t want to consider. Thoughts? Advice?

  2. Randi November 22, 2011 at 4:16 pm #

    I can’t imagine. That is a fear of mine, not being able to see him. I met my lover 2 years ago. He is 8 years older than me. I have been married for 28 years and am 48 years old. We are also in love. We keep it parallel to our “real” lives and neither of us has ever told anyone. We are extremely cautious because we don’t want to hurt our own families. We fill each other and he makes my life so much more alive. Being with him has added so much happiness to my life and it spills over to the rest of my world. I wish we could see each other more often or even talk on the phone, but I don’t want to risk losing what we have by getting greedy. Your note, although sad that you’re time together is now more limited, makes me so happy to think this could last for that long. You know that you really have no choice but to accept the limited visits or to end it all together. You have to decide what works for you. Only you know what you can live with. For now, I think my limited time with him is so valuable that I accept our circumstance and cherish the time we do have.

    • Cheatersarecowards January 24, 2013 at 12:11 am #

      Karen and Randi,
      It really is a matter of putting your selfishness and bullshit aside for a minute and think of your spouses you have been lying to, cheating on, and stealing from for many years. Divorce them and let them find happiness with someone that they deserve to be with. A person that does not go out banging someone else and emotionally investing in someone elae all while claiming to love their spouse. What a crock.

  3. Alyx March 2, 2012 at 9:29 pm #

    if you’re not happy in your marraige then leave! Why put your spouse through the pain and agony of finding you’ve cheated. I dont understand you people, do you even know how much it hurts to find the one person who said they loved you who promised to protect you to care for you, has instead went off and screwed other people rather than tell you what is wrong and what they need. Honesty, it really is the best policy!

    P.S. respect goes right along side honesty, if you’re lying to your partner, you sure as hell aren’t respecting them.

  4. BB March 31, 2012 at 9:33 pm #

    Alyx, This is a public post, and you can post anything you like ~ However… I’m sure Karen & Randi are not looking for “Sunday Preachin”

    I’ve been involved with my lover on & off since 2002, We’ve tried to stay away from one another & it hasn’t worked very well… I’ve been married for 20 years & he has been married going on 2 years. I adore my husband & will never leave him, “Leaving your Spouse” isn’t always the answer.

    • Cheatersarecowards January 24, 2013 at 12:16 am #

      Better to deal with a “Sunday Preaching'” BB than a 2×4 to the head when your spouse finds out about the double life. And most like a divorce…. The aftermath that families face in discovery of an affair is so devastating. If people are so unhappy in their marriages, get the hell out before the cheating occurs. Much less complicated for everyone involved.

      • anonymous March 17, 2013 at 6:34 am #

        Very well written.
        Glad to know there are some people out there who respect marriage

    • anonymous March 17, 2013 at 6:33 am #

      I don’t know what kind of love is this for your husband
      well we don’t need to say anything cuz we don’t know the whole story but whatever goes around comes around . whatever it is will someday come back to you

      It is really surprising…. when a betrayed wife talks how her husband got another woman pregnant and she cannot accept the child which is very natural, people call her selfish and curse her and whenever these OW post anything, they don’t want to see the mirror and they don’t want to be judged..!!!

      lovely these people are

      Karma is watching whether you laugh at it or whatever.

  5. Chris April 6, 2012 at 3:11 am #

    I haven’t had an affair. I recently fond out that my wife was. It hasn’t been for as long as some who have posted. But it sucks. I’m not judging anyone, but why. I know thing get hard at times and things happen. I can except that, but why continue it. We all have voids but it really suck knowing that I am willing to try to help or fix the voids. It’s really not even the sex that hurts me. Its know there is something more then that. My wife has been a dancer on and off for a few years now. She also has been modeling for years. So its not that I have issues with her. Hell I could care less if it was a sex thing and she gets some now and then but that was it. (of course I would still want to know.) I just know I love my wife, our family. Times have been up and down, but this really hurts. I really don’t like the lying and the hiding. She know I found out. I did ask her about it. She lied at first but it came out. Now she still lies about it. As she isn’t really talking to him. He’s married too, and has money. (Family business.) I have even spoke to him. He’s scared shitless of me but it continues. He is 30 years older then my wife WTF!!! The one thing I noticed on here with the people who have commented is that you have been doing it for years but you still love your husband and still with them as if there is nothing with it. Thats great I guess more power to you. I just don’t want to go on thinking my wife doesn’t anymore. She has already pointed out I need help with PTSD/TBI but when I need someone she isn’t there. Now I’m really lost. Her and the kids are all I have now. I want to be strong for my kids but its really hard to keep everything in my head together. I have had thoughts of stupid stuff with him but keep them at bay. Mainly cause of my kids and his family. I would never want to hurt someone else’s family. He can be man and do it him self. He even tried to thank me for my time in service thinking that would calm me. It made it worse. I’m lost really I am. I love my wife and family. I just want a chance to make what ever is wrong better or a least given the chance to.

  6. jon July 25, 2012 at 3:39 am #

    Well I am all new to this but I have enjoyed all the opinions and stories and thought I get some impute on my basic situation We are both new to this,we are both married 20+years we both have spouses who because of physical problems have not had sex in a long time.Neither of us have any intention of leaving our spouses at this stage in our lives.Times will be limited as we both have family’s but no young children.
    We are looking for friendship and the romance we both have missed for so long.It just seems to be so right and perfect,like we were met to find each other.So what am I missing and please easy on the moral BS! We both have already had ALL THOSE BATTLES! each and together and have decided to take a shot Are we Crazy? What would you do?

    • Cheatersarecowards January 24, 2013 at 12:06 am #

      Divorce your wife and let her be valued by a man that will respect her and be romanced by a man that will only romance her. Whatever you choose to do after that is not her problem.

    • Hardtotake August 3, 2013 at 2:38 pm #

      Not crazy. I have connected with my xfianceof 30yrs ago. We never stopped loving each other. I have a older teen and he has three. we r both married. I get no sex in my marriage due to medication my husband is on and my affair lover gets it on occasion. he has a very controlling wife so finding time to even text is sometimes tough. We see each othe r maybe one very three weeks.. I so wish it was more and it’s easier for me as my husband is an alcoholic as well. I’m struggling with the need to see and or communicate with him more vs balance of making it too difficult for him. When we r together it’s like nothing else matters in the world and I will always love him. neither of us can leave our marriages now

  7. Nat July 29, 2012 at 7:22 pm #

    I have been with my husband for 7 years, married for 2. He goes through horrible, long bouts of depression and when he is depressed he wants absolutely nothing to do with me. The only attention I get from him is negative when he is depressed or he ignores me completely no matter what I do.

    I started seeing another man for the first time 3 weeks ago. Only physically seen each other twice and everything has been pretty tame. However, I already feel like a weight is lifted off my shoulders. I feel alive, happy, sexy, and confident again. My husband is a great guy when he is not depressed, but going for 5 months and counting with not even a smile and hardly a kiss from someone you love and who refuses help is torturous. Not that it is an excuse or acceptable, but having an affair is what helps keeps me sane

    • anonymous March 17, 2013 at 6:35 am #

      I think your case is different from many other selfish people. take care of your H well!!

  8. idiots August 1, 2012 at 4:33 am #

    um is called divorce people. before you cheat instead of hurting everybody in your life you should also know that if you have kids they will find out and they will resent you for it for the rest of their lives.
    obviously yo don’t wanna be with your partner if you wanna be with someone else so end a relationship before you start a new one.
    and how the hell can you say you still love and respect someone if you are willing to risk giving them SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much pain.
    this is the worst thing anyone you love could ever do to you how would YOU feel if your partner cheated on you….. maybe you should be less selfish .
    it doesnt always have to be about you.
    and for those of you with the long ass affairs if they really love you wouldn’t the wanna tell the whole damn world ….. i know i would .wake up they don’t love you in the very least they just don’t have to deal with you in a real relationship format your just an easy person they can fuck as much as they want without really caring about your feelings

  9. wondering August 2, 2012 at 4:21 am #

    I have appreciated reading your posts. I have no intentions of confronting my lover on his marital status. I am cleAR RE ;WHAT HAPPENS BETWEEN US, STAYS THERE.

  10. neverSAYnever August 6, 2012 at 2:45 am #

    I said never, but it still happened…. I have seen the ups & downs of affairs through friends & family … all I can say is – we are all face struggles we never imagined and sometimes find a strange perfection in the unthinkably, imperfect…. For all of you that rail against those who have had or are involved in an affair, don’t be so quick to judge… I am not saying its right, but it does take two people to screw-up a relationship….sometimes an affair is the very thing that SAVES a marriage.. and someday that marriage saved may be your own… think about it….

    • Cheatersarecowards January 24, 2013 at 12:45 am #

      What a STUPID thing to say and guve advice about neverSAYnever!!”…sometimes an affair is the very thing that SAVES a marriage..and someday that marriage saved be your own…think about it.”
      So I will just go ahead and lie, cheat, and steal from my spouse and family because MIRACLE of MIRACLES!!!!!!!!!! It will save my marriage to bang someone else, spend our marital/family money on my supposed affair partner, and emotionally invest in this supposed affair partner.. My supposed affair partner and could be the best of friends!!!!! I am putting my resources outside my marriage and family, but the ends justifies the means!! This will SAVE my marriage!!!!!! I mean my spouse won’t be knocked backward with pain and anguish and have PTSD when he/she finds out or I confess. He/She will be freaking THRILLED! And my kids will think I am a hero and great role model!!! And we will all love happily ever after!!!!! Thank you neverSAYnever for the complete bullshit, stupid statement I have come across yet.
      No. You know what saves marriages? Marriage and individual counseling. Trying to fix what is wrong within the marriage between the spouses. Good Communication and empathetic listening. A commitment from both spouses to weather the storms of life. Emotionally investing in your spouse. Romancing your spouse. Sharing each others lives. Having sex with your spouse (only your spouse). Being friends with your soouse. Helping your spouse in good times and bad. Sickness and health. Richer and poorer. Marriage is hard enough as it is without introducing a damn third party that the other spouse doesn’t know about. Who can compete with a fantasy world? The fantasy never lasts. Most importantly, the fantasy isn’t real. And the bubble will burst on affairs.
      The person cheated on will be
      Traumatized beyond comprehension. Most likely deal with PTSD. Your kids will despise you for ripping their family apart and never look at you the same way again. But hey! Bonus!!! You get to have the happily ever after with the affair partner!!!!! Yay!!!!! Never. Say. Never.

      • anonymous March 17, 2013 at 6:37 am #

        I know you are very right but the person above is also partially correct. sometimes things don’t happen intentionally… sometimes It just happens

  11. Lisabeth October 2, 2012 at 9:50 am #

    My situation is a strange one, I dated my lover when we were a lot younger, we split, I moved away, but then found each other again and met up 12yrs later and we were both married to other people – we went for a coffee and the ‘connection’ was still there – so strongly – we saw each other on and off for about 3 months but it ended because of complications with his children – which was understandable. Then I heard several years later that he had ended that relationship, got divorced, I in the meantime had got divorced too, but not wanting to interfere with his life, knowing how emotive ones love of ones children can be ( I have some too) I didnt approach him. To cut a long story short we missed each other when an opportunity arose because we were both thinking we wouldnt want to mess up the other ones life. We are now both involved in new relationships – I am married again, to a lovely man – he is living with someone and is not happy. We met again recently and that connection is still there – I dont know what to do – I love my husband but I love this man too and he makes me feel unlike any other man ever – we just click. We have left it that we may see each other occasionally but if the opportunity presents itself again if he was single again – I would have a huge dilemma – Affairs are hard work and I hate the secrecy aspect – but I dont want to never see him again.

    • Cheatersarecowards January 24, 2013 at 12:59 am #

      If you engage in affair, you will kill the heart if the lovely husband you have. Are you really willing to do that? Are you ready to face fallout when your husband finds out the truth if the double life you have lived? are you ready to see the shock, trauma, hurt, pain and anguish you caused him by betraying your mind, heart, and body to another man when he loved you faithfully? Are you ready for him to possibly shun you, divorce you, and treat you with a cold indifference when he no longer wants to be treated like shit by you?
      Think long and hard about that.
      As far as the man that you have a connection with, a great connection can be made with many different people. I too have felt an uncredible connection with a person many years ago. But never acted on it. Hurting someone is never something I could do. And I am too awesome to be a side dish. I am the main event.
      Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. He deserves to know you are on the brink of having an affair. Scary yes, but necessary yes. Why throw away a good man for one that didn’t have the balls to come after you while you were divorced and he was too?

      • ck1 March 9, 2013 at 7:20 pm #

        There are some situations where it is ok to cheat. There are also situations that make a divorce impossible. I do think that before falling into an affair; all possible outcomes should be considered.

  12. Linda October 14, 2012 at 9:40 am #

    Karen I am 48 and my husband 60 I haven’t got to the stage of overly worrying about death. I hope you don’t have to worry about anything like that for a long time.

  13. Georgiana October 14, 2012 at 8:10 pm #

    I’ve been married for 6 years I love my husband but no longer desire him sexually. My lover is married and in a very similar situation. We have fantastic sexual chemistry and share a level of intimacy that I’ve not experienced for a long time. We are both very respectful of each other’s situations as we don’t want to hurt our respective partners. My lover has made my life complete, I wouldn’t want him as a husband I’m very satisfied with the friendship and sexual pleasures that we share together.

  14. Jack November 2, 2012 at 2:40 am #

    I have been married over 30 years, my lover has been married for over 20 years. When we met we were both on the verge of seeking a divorce. About a month into the afair her husband found out about us. For the first time after 10 years of threats of divorce he finally took her seriously and has radically changed his behavior. They are very much in love again but so are we. I have since then also told my wife about our relationship. Both of our spouses have agreed to alow us to continue our relationship. I love my wife and I love my girlfriend. She loves me and sh also loves her husband. The time we spend togather is very limited but all 4 of us agree that if it were not for our afair neither of our marriages would have survived and it is probably unreasonable to think that it is ipossible to believe tha you can not love mor than on person

  15. Michael November 10, 2012 at 1:14 am #

    I love my wife of 15 years and my 3 children. I had thought I had everything in life. Until I met her. I never understood affairs. I always thought that an affair was only for those with deep marital problems, or for those that had defects in their personality. I thought always it was just a precursor for divorce or a failed relationship. I had believed those that said you should fix your relationship and find what you seek in what you have already. No marriage/relationship is perfect. I love my family but I LOVE her. She is married with children. She too had never expected or thought to be in this situation, a situation what has been going on for 4 years. Neither of us what to change what we have at home. But neither of us can bare to lose what we have together. We rarely see each other. We are exceptionally careful. We never have a traceable contact. But we chat every day. We are best friends. We are incredible lovers. I have learned so much about myself though our relationship. My wife, cannot provide this. She is not capable and its not her fault. If my wife told me that she had an affair – I would now understand and forgive easily. I have an obligation to my children and wife that I will never give up. I need, because of an obligation to myself, to share a sliver of my life with a women who has so graciously shared a special sliver of her own. For those reading this seeking a reason to have an affair – be careful how you read this…there is tremendous guilt, disorienting feelings, strong pressures to push limits that shouldn’t be pushed. You and your lover have to have unbreakable rules, untraceable communication, perfect alibis and MUST have mutual needs. If you aren’t 1000% on the same page – do not enter. The stakes are very high for not just you – but so many others.

    • Cheatersarecowards January 24, 2013 at 1:10 am #

      Divorce your wife and let her be loved by a man that will be honest, faithful, and value her for who she is. And a man that will respect and live the marriage vows. Let your kids see what a healthy marriage looks like. A man that will doesn’t put his selfish bullshit before his family.
      Then if you want to continue the relationship with this “perfect” person, it is not your wife’s problem any longer.

  16. sam January 28, 2013 at 7:24 am #

    i have been in an affair for 9 years now. it is very complicated.
    i do care for my husband very much though we do not connect on an initmate level as i do with the other. we are both married with young children and the relationship has become more and more intense.
    i do want out as i can no longer cope with the emotional roller coaster that this affair has taken me on.. i can’t picture my life without him.. but i can’t have him either. pleae help!
    I think of him every minute of the day. we only talk during working hours and make no contact on weekends.

  17. Cheatersarecowards January 28, 2013 at 5:27 pm #


    You must come clean with your husband and tell him everything. EVERYTHING. No lying, no gaslighting. No trickle truth. He deserves to know everything and how long you have betrayed him. Be prepared to face the consequences if your actions. Living the double life is not worth it.. Your husband will most likely want a divorce. And I don’t blame him.
    Affairs are based on fantasy. You don’t live with your affair partner on a day-to-day basis and he does not live with you either. It is all exciting, fun and games. An escape from your real problems.. But not a solution to your real problems.. And you now just added a big load to your real problems.. It will blow up in your face. No affair once it sees the light of day and becomes a real relationship, keep up the facade of fantasy.. That relationship will be even more flawed as it was based on a foundation of lies, deceit, cheating/sneaking around.
    But your husband and your kids don’t deserve to be cheated on. Ever. If you are unhappy, get some help or get out of your marriage. Let your husband find happiness with a real woman.. A person that values faithfulness, loyalty, honesty, integrity…
    In affairs, everyone loses. Even you.

    • ck1 March 9, 2013 at 7:25 pm #

      Cheatersarecowards, you sound like someone who was cheated on. If you don’t take of your spouse, someone else will.

      • Serendipity June 6, 2013 at 5:06 am #


        Quite honestly, many spouses who are sexually dead, withholding or just lame as hell, cry and play the moral card when they realize that their passive-aggression and withholding sexual intimacy results in their partner finding it elsewhere. I’m married ( currently separated, pending divorce) from a man whom for years spent most of our marriage denying sexual intimacy because he was “tired” or ” not in the mood” or some other lame cockamamie bullshit.

        After years of doubting my own attractivenss, buying sexy lingerie, and trying to spice up my marriage, only to be shut down. I gave up. BTW, withholding intimacy is CLASSIC passive aggressive behavior.

        And where did this get him? Served with divorce papers, child support, alimony and me having another lover (15 years OLDER) who knows how to love a lady. And is NOT too tired to please his “sweet baby. ”

        So, quite honestly when folks cry morality, and purport that “cheaters are cowards” I laugh. My advice, tell lame passive-aggressive sexually withholding spouses to get on their job.

        No guilt here.

  18. Steve April 13, 2013 at 3:33 pm #

    Thank you all for your entries. I am married with children have a great
    Career. I am a responsible adult in my 40’s. I have no history of affairs
    But i am strongly considering one with my long term adult friend who i
    Have approached about my strong desires that arent being met by my wife.
    I have communicated a lot to my wife about my need for intimacy and
    She has tried to be a more enthusiastic partner. She is an outstanding
    Wife but she knows she is not satisfying me (my needs aren’t unreasonable).
    My wife has been diagnosed w ptsd and has had a lot of medical issues
    Which often make her unavailable for intimacy. I feel unrequited lust
    Almost hourly and my mature and honest friend is willing to be a lover.
    So what are my options: see a hooker? Get drunk and hookup with someone
    In a bar? Become an alcoholic? It has been 5 years in my marriage where
    I have felt stifled sexually but in every other way its been almost ideal!
    As a responsible adult with a lot of life experience i find it unhealthy
    To deny ones need for love and intimacy.Do i need to divorce my family
    To fulfill this need with another? My proposed lover and i have been painfully honest
    To each other about our needs and how its solely based upon sex
    And friendship.i am not posting this to hear a response but to contribute.
    I just believe, and have personally seen, the destructive power of sociatal
    Rules that sometimes create huge dysfunctions when we suppress
    Who we are.

  19. Jenna April 21, 2013 at 5:56 am #

    Cheatersarecowards- how do you have time to sit on this site and preach to every person who is struggling with infedility? You shouldn’t judge a person unless you have been in their shoes.
    I have been married for 16 years to a wonderful man. He is 60 and I am 46. He starting showing signs of early dimentia 4 years ago. Because of exposure to chemicals while in the military, he now barely recognizes me and needs constant care. What should I do? Divorce him? I love him dearly and am committed to caring for him till death do us part. My lover keeps me sane. He gives me strength and reassurance. He listens and cares. He has become my best friend, and yes, my lover. It by no means, means I do not love and respect my husband. I find your judgement of others very ignorant. Couldn’t your time be better spent on creating a loving relationship of your own instead of trolling sites and condeming others who have life struggles that you know nothing about?
    Your life must be very sad.

    • Hardtotake August 3, 2013 at 2:50 pm #

      Jenna, my heart goes out to you. People don’t understand when there are health issues involved. We are human and have needs…you can’t go years without those needs being met or you r no good for ur husband your children or anyone. my H has severe depression and disabled due to anxiety. Years of self medication has also turned him into an alcoholic. The one medication that has finally helped him not want to kill himself each day has caused complete impotence and no libido, to which Viagra or cialis does nothing. It’s an effort for him to even hug me and I never thought I would be in this situation. I signed up for monogamy not celibacy but I could never leave my husband as he would surely kill himself. I don’t know what to do do but lover from age 20 reconnected with me and the rare time we do get together has saved my life and has helped our family. I’m 50

  20. Mr. Love July 24, 2013 at 4:45 am #

    Careful from ill advice, there is a good likelihood the the revelation will lead to domestic violence, or threaten the life of the person you had an affair with, then it is not a good idea to be entirely truthful, although you must commit to working individually to get the marriage back on track, if you can. Life experiences are a gamble, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose…be smart on your choices though, weight out you pros and cons of staying in the marriage or leaving it for perhaps some bimbo, as he or she might kick you in the ass after your leave your dear spouse.

  21. curiousguy July 28, 2013 at 5:47 am #

    Ok.. well I have read a select few and want some feed back.. I have been with my wife for 5 years we are both about 30 and I have some how lost a spark along the way.. found someone else but not sure how far I want to go with.. if I divorce my wife (2 kids) it will be the death of her becuz of medical attention she needs and at the same time I don’t want to go behind her back either.. I love my kids and thought I loved my wife but the amount of stress that feeds off of her pours on me… is that why I found someone else? And the other prob is that someone is my neighbor trying to escape her marriage too.. did we confide in each other because we both want out? She has kids too.. do I act on impulse? Do I leave my wife and let her die NO.. what should I do?

  22. confused August 10, 2013 at 12:46 pm #

    I am 24 and have been with my husband for six years (married for 3)
    we have a beautiful little boy together who is 1 and a wonderful life.
    The sex in our relationship is good, but not nearly frequent enough.
    We have discussed this over and over again and nothing has changed.
    Its making me miserable.
    now comes the confusion, there is this guy from work. We have been good friends for 2 years, but recently he has expressed a need to become closer.
    Dont get me wrong im totally there with him, we have this amazing chemistry and my whole body tingles when he speaks.
    He is very like my husband, manorism and sense of humour wise.
    but he radiates a sexuality like ive never felt before. At the moment we work in different divisions but from january we will be in the same place.
    Please help im so confused!

  23. Kim August 21, 2013 at 9:27 am #

    I had an affair at age 43 years old with a 30 year old handsome man from a different ethnicity. The affair lasted nearly seven years and I feel guilty in admitting that it was perhaps the most exciting and happiest years of my recent life stage. This young man always complimented me on my looks and the way I dressed. I looked forward to dressing up just for him. I’ve done so many crazy sexual exciting things with him that my husband will never allow. For example, he asks me to wear see through panties while wearing a mini skirt in public or when we go out for drinks. I get turned on watching man salivate all over me. Is hot and I literally leave the bar stool or chair covered with my pussy juieces!

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