You are meeting with your affair partner for sexual acrobatics. They can’t host in their dwelling due to lack of privacy and neither of you want to shell out for a hotel at the moment. You can always crumple into a vehicle and have at it like teenagers… or you can take them back to your place and enjoy them in the comfort of your own home. This is the reality for many couples: where is the easiest and most secure place to get our rocks off?
At first, you’ll see that the bedroom and by proxy the martial bed is nothing more than a location to enjoy each others company on. What’s wrong with using what is at your disposal? What could possibly be conveyed psychologically to your spouse if you were to undertake the deed with a stranger in your shared home, in your shared space?
To your family, the house is the gathering place for your hearts. You smile there, you cry there, you celebrate victories and you squirrel away belongings that identify who you are within those walls. You’re vulnerable there. You close your eyes and hope to wake there. All these things and you are now stealthily leading an “other” right under the threshold and smack dab into the cradle of the relationship. At least, this is how your spouse will view this act of consummation.
But, I hear you query, it’s my space too! And it is. You have put just as much heart and soul into this abode as all else in your family unit. You should be able to use it as you see fit. Everyone should be able to use it as they see fit – and they will. Your sons and daughters will sneak in their lovers, your spouse will surreptitiously invite ‘a friend’ over whenever you are out of town, and you… well, you will invite your new love.
Alas, the marital bed. Your spouse lays their head just on that pillow there. Their scent is wrapped into those sheets. The nightstand contains their glasses or their night cream. Maybe there is even a book laid out, a page folded where they’d stopped reading the night previous. Photos may line walls. Clothes haphazardly draped in the rush of a pre-dawn schedule. The intimacy is ripe. The personal space is evident.
Your spouse lays their head just on that pillow there. Their scent is wrapped into those sheets
This is where you will make love. Fornicate. Engage in carnal delights that you had forgotten in the 10, 20, 30 years of your relationship. With someone your spouse may or may not know. With someone you may or may not know all that well, either. It does and doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because the mattress is just a mattress, the sheets just sheets, the pillows just pillows. Instruments are all they are. Just tools to get the job done. It does matter because this is the biggest “Fuck You” that one can say to their marriage, even if they don’t believe it.
A cursory look online suggests that betrayed spouses on the whole consider martial home sex to be beyond the pale, while the act of ‘fucking’ in the marital bed is so offensive that it just about signs the divorce papers itself. Betrayed wives, in particular, seem to be vengeful when this has been revealed as the lust lair. Betrayed husbands feel cuckolded by the invasion of not only another man releasing inside their woman but the crassness of him ‘at home’ in his domain.
For some affair partners, having sex in the marital bed is the biggest turn-on precisely because it involves completely taking the affair partner from the spouse. They want the energy of the session to intimidate the unwitting partner. For the straying partner, it symbolizes how removed they are from the vows they’ve undertaken and for the willing partner, it can be a greater aphrodisiac than drugs. You are, in essence, replacing the unique connection your partner has with their spouse. The big deal about marriage is “us against the world”. For better or worse. Til death, not a failing of duty, do us part.
This isn’t to warn you away from bringing your affair partner into your home. To you the bed may be nothing but a functional piece of furniture. To your affair partner, it may just be a place that you can both safely bump your hips. Be forewarned that to your spouse it will be a direct assault onto their very being. It isn’t uncommon for marital beds to become an issue in therapy or settlements – destroy it, toss it, replace it. As a kicker, some wives and husband demand a new home completely untainted by the groin gestures.
You’re already in an affair. Consider your risks and choose wisely. If a D-Day ever comes, would you be able to handle the fallout from a marital bed revelation? If you’re not fully prepared to accept an acrimonious divorce, maybe you should rethink that inability to shell out for the hotel room. If you’re beyond the point of no return, open the door and enjoy yourselves.