A Spectrum Of Cheaters

The Cheat-o-meter
I tend to think of cheaters as being on a spectrum, kind of like autism (no offense to the autistic).

 At one end of the spectrum, you have the folks for whom this was a one off. A drunken, one-night stand at a conference sort of thing. Someone with bad boundaries who does something idiotic and regretful. The one-off cheater feels guilt and remorse, usually confessing.

After the one-off cheater, you have the exit affair cheater. This sort of cheater is actually unhappy in their marriage and realizes at some level that they don’t really want cake, they want out of their marriage. Cheating is their really crappy and cowardly way of blowing things up. These sorts of cheaters tend to leave for their affair partner, or just call it quits, and make an unambiguous break from the betrayed spouse.

In the middle of the spectrum, you have the average cheater. Someone who doesn’t mind being married, but wants a side dish fuck. This cheater engages in an affair for months and hides it pretty well. They either kick the relationship themselves, or get dumped, and feel pretty conflicted about it. But not conflicted enough to not have done it. Unless exposed, or remorseful, the average cheater stands a good chance of being a repeat offender, trying to again attain the Nirvanic state of Cake Eating.

At the end of the spectrum, you have serial cheaters. Serial cheaters are a different breed of cat. These are the people for whom deceit is a lifestyle. Deceit is part of the high. In fact, I’m convinced it is the high. Getting one over on someone. Gaming the system. Getting all the ego kibbles. These are people who have double lives. Multiple affairs, spanning years, decades even. Consequences don’t really register with these folks. Divorce them, and they’ll just remarry and do the same thing to the next sucker (hopefully their affair partner).

Serial cheaters are usually personality disorders on the narcissistic, borderline, sociopath spectrum. Their empathy synapses don’t fire. They’re wired wrong. These are the kind of folks that sleep really well after being exposed, while you puke and cry and lose 15 lbs in a week from despair. They may look at your distress blankly and shrug. Or say something to the effect of “Don’t be a Pollyanna. I don’t see what the big deal is.” Conversely, if you’re dealing with a borderline, you might get operatic “remorse,” and then when you’re out of sight, they’re coolly dialing their affair partner and giving them the same operatic remorse. Actions never match words, but they’re masterful at the spin.

Serial cheater

Serial cheaters are sharks in people suits

Serial cheaters are deeply, profoundly fucked up. You’d be an idiot to try and reconcile with one. (Ask me how I know.) Personality disorders do NOT get better. These people congenitally lack the ability to connect intimately with you. They fake it. They may look human, but they are really sharks in people clothing. They’re predators. If they tell you they love you – believe me, it is not a love that is good for you. It means you are of USE to them. That’s it.  Get the hell away from serial cheaters, the sooner the better.



This article  is posted with permission from the blog titled Chump Lady. The original article can be found here.

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About Doccool.com Administrator

As the administrator of the site, Doccool has has been witness to more than two thousand people involved in affairs that have shared their experiences on the site since 2008. When not studying the secret world of adultery, he enjoys spending time with friends and family at his home somewhere in central Canada. You can follow him on Twitter.

4 Responses to A Spectrum Of Cheaters

  1. Plan 9 from OS February 6, 2013 at 11:28 pm #

    I’ve posted some similar thoughts on another site. But the bottom line is that all of them do not have any self respect and have varying degrees of selfishness ingrained in their characters. They fail to think of everyone that would be affected by their affairs(s) and the pain they cause when it all is discovered sooner or later. The only case that MIGHT be a true mistake could be a ONS. But even in that situation I question the character of the cheater.

  2. Cheatersarecowards February 7, 2013 at 12:37 am #

    Yes, so true there is a spectrum of cheaters. Excellent article! Chump Lady is my hero.

  3. Michelle February 14, 2013 at 1:14 am #

    What a bunch of self-righteous BS

  4. DrCock May 24, 2013 at 1:10 pm #

    I’m reading these articles and am SHOCKED at what I find.

    As a cheating spouse who was outed due to YOUR FORUM I find it hideous that you have not only closed the forum….. but you also feel you have the right to speak like some sort of god in relation to the matter and quote individuals who thought they were typing their thoughts in some sort of secure space.

    You are worse than a cheater. You are the scum of all scum. Dr Cool. Rot in HELL.

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